Smoking FAQ, Part 1

Several of my work buddies have quit smoking recently, which means I need to recruit new smokers to join me for smoke breaks. To help with this, here is the first in possibly a series of pro-smoking pieces. (This is adapted from The Easy Way to Start Smoking.)

Is smoking cool?

Taking even the most objective and detached view of this issue, it's hard to ignore the fact that the vast majority of people who hold the view that smoking is not cool are themselves not cool, and that the people who think it is cool are cool.

What is secondhand smoking?

Secondhand smoking is the best way to fill your lungs without spending $4.50 a day for the pleasure. Nowadays, secondhand smoke is big news and suddenly seems to affect everyone. This is despite the fact that smokers themselves have known about the benefits of secondhand smoking for years. Why do you think we like to huddle together, if not to smoke our own cigs and a little of everyone else's, too?

Is secondhand smoking cool?

The honest response is no. Simply standing next to smokers won't help freeloaders in this respect.

Why do smokers get more colds?

Remember that colds are viral infections, passed from person to person. Catching a cold is simply a side effect of leading an active, sociable life full of friends, lovers, and laughter. Non-smokers might want to ask themselves why it is they catch so few colds. Why are they so unpopular? What is wrong with them?

Where have I hidden your cigs?

That's not funny.